...

SGC freshies 5th gen :(

2012-01-20T09:38:00.001+08:00

everyone else before YOU, put their sweat, put in money for the drinks they shared, risks school grades, getting bruises and injuries for SGC's performance or Competition, some getting kicked outta school for that, most risks getting scold by parents, some fight with parents so that we're not in the wrong, most sacrifice more time on us rather than our own families just so that they wont miss out a practise for a show or competition representing SGC, getting pesters by the higher management, all endured all these hardships and for what?
just so that you guys can have the space to sit and relax around the studio or to play games or PDA or for yall to enjoy these necessities without putting in your own efforts?
think again. would it do justice to them?
yes i agree with candy im selfish, cos im protecting all these people's effort so that they wont go to waste and for yall ungrateful asses to still enjoy dancing in the years to come
i dont think im aware of how is "my way of doing things" but i sure do know how to give credits when due, and to appreciate others for what they've laid out for you to feast your hunger on.
what's your selfishness about?

beyond the brink.

2011-09-23T12:23:00.003+08:00

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Bob Marley

ps- girls can sometimes be fucken worse that what we gentlemen will do.
and you did things, dont act like nothing happen.

Invictus

2010-02-05T00:18:00.005+08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus - William Ernest Henley

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Such were the words of the poem thanks to the stranger named "Dna".
a poem which is very applicable to what im going through and what i've gone through.

Invictus means Unconquered or Invincible.

in times of uncertainties and when challenges comes, i am glad that i havent given up hope even though i have nothing to hold on to to bring myself up but the constant comfort of friends and close ones.

I've gone thru the good times and bad. The worst is yet to come, and the best awaits.
Whatever that comes, accept it with an open heart. There's a meaning to every little thing that happens.

I hope to be of inspiration to others.

"Dont worry about a thing,
cos every little thing is goina be alright"
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley.

Campfire

2009-12-29T05:00:00.003+08:00

Today i want to talk about kindness.
Justice, Faith & Kindness.
i want you to listen/watch carefully.

Kindness and Faith, are the foundation
Without them, we can't become good people
And with justice, we know we can lead a good life
And how can one be a good men then?
First of all, you have to practice honesty
Keep your temper, never lose control of yourself
Keep control...

Be patient, if you learn to do these things, you can master anything.

introductive catchy A with only one syllable.

2009-11-07T02:21:00.005+08:00

As I decay, demons prey above me like a vulture
Ability to endure contradiciton is a high sign of culture
Verbal sculptures, self defacing
It is not God or lunacy that I am facing
But the erasing of the purity and passion of my words
The herds of cattle babble on with talk of the absurd
But I preferred; To walk away from all the feuds
To find my life is more confusing than a rubic's cube
So i'm subdued; In all my words of verbal prods
To live alone one must be an animal or a God
But it's official; All of my pain is clear as crystal
The natural side of life has now been seeming artificial
But I can hit you
And rest assured that i could last
I could give a fuck about ya secrets and ya past
I can pass words with the ability to hurt you
This pain is unbearable but patience is a virtue

I who have nothing but the pain that I refer to

2009-11-03T15:17:00.007+08:00

If only the things we see are of inner beauty first, then outer next, quote my brother Fate.

Intersections in real time. The unbroken circle in dimensions of the mind
The tie that binds the eternal time that defines the vanity of my insanity in due time, will shine.

Like the night seas under the moon. The haunted corners of familiar rooms.

Yet i'm consumed, we're vanishing into thin air.

The realization that this shit is my dignity to bare.

So where did I think I could run away to see, the people that decided to leave without asking me.

But we decide to wait for happier tomorrows, and find someone so they can be distractions from our sorrows.

For my distractions the books of paper that i scrawl in.

I'm eloquent in summer breeze and leaves that has just fallen.

I crawl in a corner hoping all of this will end.

With the knowledge that love is just another word for revenge

I who have nothing but the lack of variation.

I who have nothing but chains and suffocation.

I who have nothing but the comfort of my sins.
And I who have nothing but the comfort of my friends.

Two steps forward, one step back.

2009-10-12T14:45:00.007+08:00

Last opportunity for the wolf to still be accepted by the wolf pack.
trying to howl as loud but a wolf's howl doesnt echo.
it is as surreal as that to be hearing the ocean by putting your ears on a seashell.
uncertainties and perplexities as such, determining the direction of which this tree grows towards.

i've been seeing alot of "save the earth" callings in the public.
which got me thinking.
are human beings really trying to save the earth or are they just making it worst?
why, when publicising it costs alot more burning of petrols, cutting down of forest for posters?
mankind is selfish, we stand up and fight for rights, even if it isn't up to us to decide what is best.

God limits the extent of human knowledge. I can imagine Ants speaking to Lizards saying "look at those humans, they are trying to correct nature, when nature is the one supposed to correct them". Well, little do we know that a Camel knows the hundredth and last name of Allah. God works in a mysterious way. Unquestionably.

Nature has been here for billions of years, it hasn't gone anywhere, we are the one dying, one after another. so think again.

and little do everyone know, i am much happier these days. only a week plus, yknow this feeling's crazy. caught in a whirlwind of emotions, yet taking steps with caution.

i love you, stranger.

Chiflado

2009-09-28T01:51:00.006+08:00

Waking up to your mother's consistent irritating voice has never felt this good after 5 years of waking up to shit. You might think i am weird, put yourself in the shoes of people who don't get to see their parents because of certain barriers or even get to see their parents forever. Then you'll know how people like us feels.
When my mum woke me up after the first day i went back to her place which was the morning of Hari Raya, i smiled straight as i opened my eyes. a sign of relief after so long. My eyes sweat when i was bathing therafter, it felt so deep down inside.
So deep that there's a soft tingling sensation in my chest as i am typing this down.

"The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress" - Turn your lights down low - Bob Marley ft Lauryn Hill.

Everyday i chance upon people who tries hard to be mature, to act mature and react maturely. why oh why? when you only have so short a life to live. No offence to anybody but I'm just saying from my opinion. You may chid me for my childish acts but my point is, i still want to be young, whatever im rockin im still young. I dont want to be following anybody. Doing what everyone else is doing.

So what really is acting mature? Is it chiding someone who's just acting childishly, not join the kids in building their lego sets or cooking their playthings? Or could it be mixing with the older kids so as to know how they think and what they do, but that isnt really the thing because what you did there was following what other people do.

Well in my opinion, being mature is knowing when to be childish and when to be mature.
Being Mature Is Knowing What To Do When.

2009-09-11T15:31:00.005+08:00

Hari Raya has always been a time for me to feel low these years.
Besides buying the "baju melayu" alone and only matching with sister,
Going to geylang would be such a heartache. Seeing families together,
the spirit of that is enough to bring me to knees.
and the major bring down on that day itself is the absence of grandmother.
maybe i'll just go to the main house, sit all alone and just watch tv.
ouh well, im an Unlucky child even at birth, what more now?

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if anyone remember, theres one time where i kept dreaming about smth in my sleep.
about walking up a hill, bringing a heavy bag and having difficulty walking cos its as though im pulled by the bag.
now since 7 days ago im dreaming about it again.
this time round, in a derelicted war-torned urban area,
its like those images of the Bronx decades ago in the days of dark.
and theres one time i had to bring my little step brother along.
i dreamt about pursuing something not within my sight.

i need to know what it means. im going crazy.

if the unconscious part of my mind is sending messages in dreams to try to save us from craziness, i want to know what it is.

Ramadhana

2009-08-22T18:36:00.005+08:00

"salam akhir, salam yang teristimewa bersamanya"
lyrics of a malay song ringing thru the audio in the cook's paradise.
reminded me of the last few moments with late grandmother.

its the first day of fasting month,
of which usually break-fast is spent at late grandmother's house,
and as usual she'll be having her Air Katira (tadpole drink**)
but two ramadhan went without her, and she's missed dearly.

i looked down as i walked,
not wanting to reveal what's hidden behind the smile.
but i know one thing for sure,
i am, and i will be strong after all this is through.

i went back to my archives and saw that what i wrote in the past, is still relatable now.

Monday, September 17, 2007, 12:04 AM

I had no one, not a single soul to turn to.
No one, i said no one except for God; He knows how I feel.
No one can ever understand how bad my situation/feelings are ryte now.
Not even my parents, my sister, and also my close friends know about how I feel.

and I dun care if wad I write affects you (the one reading this) or u wana critic about it.

im no sensitive guy, no emo guy. its just Blogging is one means of my sought after.
So if ur against it, piss off before I piss u off.

Feeling in a total distraught.
Life is in a great mess.
I noe im at fault.
Coz it’s a problem tt no one else has.

Feeling like a piece of junk,
That is always thrown around.
Mite as well sleep in a bunk,
Dun needa be nagged all day round.

I know I have friends who care,
And dun mind wad I do
These friends are rare
But they have their own problem too.

Having parents divorced at the age of Four
Never really felt their love and affection,
But who wants this kinda downpour
Wen all I need is juz attention.

To mum: “Remarrying another was ur greatest regret. Tt guy was no different Treats me and sis like a rat And not treating us like a parent.” I guess now I shld shoulder all this problem. By my own it will be, As there’s no one willing to hear ‘em And moving on independently -end of story- Friends, thanx for being there wen ur needed, foes, thanx for the hatred

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don't mind the language.

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Im 20, my mind is older,
my face is younger,
and my actions are of a youngster's.
im a fucked up mofo b!

"Problems are not difficult, its just complicated. You just have to find your way through" - Mr Rao my maths teacher back in secondary school. AND I STILL LOVE MATHS!

2009-08-08T20:00:00.005+08:00

yes, she's mine.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
so i used my third.
The Epiphysis cerebri could see beyond space and time,
and considered a mystery linked to superstition and mysticism.
thus you see the beauty of things beyond its physical.

"fuck the world! i love myself" once a narcissist told me,
"We are the most advanced military in the world" US claims to be.
But instead of spending money and research on war,
why cant they divert it for the poor?

turn off that radio, turn off that bullshit,
manipulating victim's mind into doing something stupid.
from telling you to buy things you don't need,
to turning people into a greed.

Fate, Oneski, Zym, Camou Artist, Predicx, Chipx, Smurf, Oneroc, Isnaidi and Angel.
Individual styles defined with rhythm and passion.
Looking at the table, bringing too much to know its too little.
we a family, nothing beats that.

Dont hate the player, Hate the game.

2009-07-11T00:19:00.005+08:00

attraction and seduction,
mean machines of upbringing and destruction.
having much facts as to the fiction,
when abused could bring addiction.

beauty and personality delves the differences,
between a soul's inner and outer self.
beauty is whats worth searching for,
but personality is worth dying for.

beauty is common.
its something you're born with or paid for.
what counts is what you make of yourself.
what counts is a great outlook and a great personality.
period.

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but if you were asked "do i know you?"
think again,
does anybody really know anybody?

Spiritual Healing

2009-07-02T16:05:00.004+08:00

Soul damaged from heartbreaking events
Severing one's ties with family and friends
out came the inner being of one and hence
bringing out the negativity that nobody intends

sounds of gushing water
and other forms of nature
calms your spirit
as you sat by the river

3 things were answered
the joys, the pain and the loss i've encountered
moving on from the things that i'd feared
in order to lead a life that i had always desired

the feeling of being healed spiritually
is beyond any other certainty
till today spirit's feeling healthy

it's like getting high without your feets leaving the ground

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thank you everyone for the birthday acknowledgements
i've spent my 20 years full of pain and suffering.
i thought again... no more i'm goina dwell or let it pull me down.

Storm Of Swords

2009-06-11T05:56:00.007+08:00

Neggas... NACE!
Oneski, CA, Ash

From Funkamania Prelims in January, to Funkamania finals.
Fuyo interschool in february week after Funkamania finals.
after that Singapore's Best Dance Crew in March/ April with RSC right up till semi finals.
straightaway to FOP freshmen orientation to SLA Fiesta (CCA orientation)
without a stop to Momentum 2009 in May 2009.
and now to SG bboy Champs with CA.

all been thru without a laid back chillout rest.
now tell me what is your kinda rest.

Mad Shoutout to my Crew.
Style Groovaz Family. Rhythmic Stylez.

dedicate the blog song specially for RSC.

Jedi Mind Tricks - A Storm of Swords

Quote from the song:
"Y'all can't touch us, cause we ain't fuckin' around.

And y'all can't fuck with us, or else we buckin' dem down."
"I maintain, handle beef Islamly

Manage my life calmly, like I was Gandhi."

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Hip is a form of knowledge,
to be hip is to be update and relevant.
Hop is a form of movement.
you cant just observe a hop, you gotta get up and do it.
Hip and Hop is intelligent movement.

"WE ARE THE INTELLIGENT MOVEMENT"
quote from Dom.

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everything's been fine lately...
im too immuned to any hiccups that i dun see one.

Boot Camp 09 just passed.
proud to see the product of ur sweat achieving things.
the camp went on Superb!

Knowledge is spread.
now wisdom and understanding is for them to practise.

me during the knowledge sharing session.

reaching out to the masses.

Tanya's coming back in a week!
School's Starting next week!

what else?
Fate, Zym & Is, representing RSC in Floor Combat KL.
mad props, best of luck to them.

not feeling practises since monday.
whack songs, spaces used up.
not feeling that well currently.

but FUCK THE WORLD i want to fuck this shit, and enjoy at Obar tmr!
HAHAHA.

2009-05-18T11:12:00.005+08:00

It takes effort and strength, even in numbers for people to cheer you up or even to get yourself cheered up. But it just takes one mini incident or a few sentences to bring your morale down right to negativity. Its odd how so small the words are so powerful in doing so.

These few weeks my morale has been tested. Repeatedly i've been brought to the ground just by some unappreciative FRIENDS. Because of words stabbed right in the face and dead at the back. Words that i dun expect it would come from them.

but i've been thinking, with tanya's help.
Since when did Ash bothers about what other people think of him? or since when does Ash listens to what others talk about him?

He never bothers about what other people think about him, he never listens to what people tell him. he doesnt even do what he was told to do so.
what he likes doing is taking matters into his own hands, act like one big muhfcuker and even handles matters that is not his to handle.
This is the reason why i've achieved whatever i want to achieve, however doing what he likes done.

That would be Me.

whatever you do, you cant change me nor you can cheat me.
like theres once Ragu told me of this Indian saying...
"you can bent a plant to make it grow towards wherever you want it to grow,
however you can bend a tree thats all full grown and thick"
well its not as if you guys never worked with me before.

i wana see how you people intend to make my life miserable, when it already is.

2009-05-10T01:25:00.004+08:00

one at a time,
picking up slowly one by one.
slowly but surely,
i will accomplish what i desire.

Wednesday's auditions proved how something can go as smooth when everyone works hand in hand,
never complaining, never bragging.
we shall make it a practise.

realised friends are low on the morale right now,
i will continue to help out and boost your morales even tho i got none left.
whatever it takes to help build you up.

heres one for a kick start.
you should stop looking at what others dun have and pondering on what you dun have.
instead,
try find something that you have that others don't,
if you don't appreciate yourself, you think others will give a damn about you?

i also dun think its wrong to be proud of yourself, tho others might be thinking you're bragging.
well if you work hard for it and eventually got thru it, you should be sharing with some about your life story right? who knows it might inspire them?

now i really cant wait to seeing the future SGC freshies.

tanya baby you are missed.

2009-05-05T15:04:00.003+08:00

updating on TanyaGillianBeins accord:D
sending some love to dubai from Ash.

been really caught up with school stuffs,
Preview yesterday for Momentum went on fine,
so goina be caught up again for auditions today and tommorrow.

woke up with aching joints, neck and my hurting throat.

been having wrist problems since 2 weeks ago, i think it really has been dislocated,
cos pain is encountered when i apply pressure. hmmm

new problems arises, more than what a 20 year old person can handle.
have to think about my own house when i start goin NS, according to my grandmother.
and should already have to take care of my own sickly dad.
as according to my grandmother she's goina stay with my uncle,
and since my relatives dun like me, i dun have a spot and grandma is sick of taking care of daddy.

feel loved, cared for and to be assured that i have my back supported on, thats the only things that i need right now.

give me one good reason thats worth fighting and living for,
cos i have yet to find a reason to live for.

too personal a post.

i've lost so much, i dun wana lose anything more.

mad shoutouts to Tanya baby:)

2009-04-23T15:22:00.004+08:00

UnderDogs of the underground bebeh!

some things are better left unknown,
some things are better probed.
for whatever things that you own,
dun be scared to cross the globe.

business have been on the good nowadays,
been experiencing real good and bad stuffs.
meet ups and what nots.
its all good baby baybey!

if u were to ask whether i choose bros or ho's.
i'd rather be choosing bros,
never hurting, always loving.
always down for whatever.

isit true all i want to do is screw.
drink bru, with the crew on the avenue.
oooohh...

nigga's high on life...

enemies push me harder...
u like to see my ass squirm like a worm?
fret not, you're goina have ur moment of truth in time.

Mack is the fact knowakamin?

dun trip it, these people mean alot to me.

2009-04-02T21:41:00.003+08:00

Prayers for my Late grandmother, Ginah Bte Lipot

the one who taught me how to be independent since i was a little kid.
the one whom i miss the laughters.
today, 2nd April 2009, is her one year anniversary.

this post is specially dedicated for you.

my dear grandma,
its been one year you've departed.
tho you're way far,
my love for you has never faded.

this past year i've encountered bitter experience,
and at the same time the most sweetest.
i wish i could share with you this events,

of all, you'd be the proudest.

after you left,
the bonds between the families and me went away with you.

i feel left out,

not knowing what to do.

and this day,
prayers will be made for you.

i hope wherever you are,
you'll still remember me, the unlucky child.

and to you, thank you for spending the time with me throughout yesterday night till today morning.
you helped me not think about my problems.
you're the reason im smiling.

thank you.

2009-04-02T21:04:00.003+08:00

You've been seemingly full of unintentional surprises. The uniqueness of which im bound to have an interest on. And yes, sincere and open yet indirect i am. besides, going all out doesnt harm me, i don't even have anything to lose. But i'll preserve. Close friends have never seen me this happy before, with the smile of the night's outing brought back right to bed.
its probably one of the best things im enjoying right now.

to my dear SGC,
i know im sounding abit gay or odd by saying i miss you guys, but it isnt wrong for my feelings to be expressed. who else have really said i miss the crew and really really mean it? only those few whom regard this as more than an organisation.
my absence has been mostly caused by my undivided attention for another crew who's joining a big competition. and probably the first group battle we've in.
as i've told Mr student advisor since last january. i'll be absent till practise for momentum starts and my comp ends.

RhythmicStylezCrew (RSC) made it into the SingaporeBestDanceCrew finals alongside, FloorTechniques, StreetG and 6 RhythmicRockers.
Finals will happen on 12th April at JurongPoint from 5 onwards.

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another random theory.

"Don't judge a book by its cover"

i've heard one too many times.
but before you are assured about buying the book, most will check through the SUMMARY at the back of the book.
it gives the brief explanation of the book and from there, it will interest the readers more to find out the contents of the book.

go decipher it yourself.

Moment of truth

2009-03-22T21:50:00.004+08:00

No matter what you face even in your everyday life,
nothing is incomparable to your Moment of Truth.

they say its lonely at the top, in whatever you do.
you always gotta watch the mofos around you.
cause nobody's invincible,
no plan is foolproof.

the same cats that you hang around with, or you're close with,
could even set you up and try to wet you up.
its universal, you play with fire it may hurt you,
or burn you, LESSONS ARE A BLESSING YOU SHOULD LEARN THROUGH.

so when you're shining,
cats will wana dull you.
selfish ignorant punks will wana pull you,
cos they love it, seeing your ass squirm like a worm.

but just as you're having a hard time through,
you're not alone,
everybody else's goina goina get theirs too.
cos every body has their moment of truth.

actions have reactions, so don't be quick to judge.
you may not know the HARDSHIPS people don't speak of.
so its best to step back and observe with couth.
cos we all gotta meet our moment of truth.

why do bad things happen to good people,
seems like life's a constant war between good and evil.
so like they say, every dog has its day,
and i don't doubt it, GOD works in a mysterious way.

courtesy of Gangstarr - Moment of Truth

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i hope this time,
its goina work out.
GOD show me the light through this path.
Grandma guide me thru this hardship.

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yo, i need some sort of love in my life you dig me?

Broke-boy

2009-03-11T02:35:00.005+08:00

for some reasons i cant find any words to put about what im goin thru right now,
best not think about it.

late grandma's death anniversary is coming.
i still miss her luhhhhhhh :(

things arent at all well at home, these problems are too caught up that i dun even feel like staying home or even coming home.

see just by thinking of it already make the ache come back.

some may think that those who gives you motivational words and be the good guy are the ones who makes one work harder and improve dramatically.
well let me tell you this,
its the good guys that will hold you back, discouraging you from stepping out of the box.
without Tough Love, almost everyone wont be stepping out of their comfort zone and try to improve or be a better person for another.
without someone to scold or criticise or even correct you,
you'll forever think that you are doing the wrong thing, and by people just telling you that its wrong to do this and that, you might put that kind advice away coz you might think its not much of a matter.
you'll forever be in that same sized or surfaced box that you started in. and forever not daring to venture out.

just to think that not getting up due to a lose lose situation,
nobody can ever improve by getting laid back or by stepping back.
i disagree with backing out.

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i have this box theory that i came up with randomly.

imagine the box is you or a group of people.

the white box is a representation of yourself, your capabilities, basically about you.
there and then your skills and knowledge are only limited to the safe/comfort zone.

outside is a vast world of cruelty, new discoveries, new skills or even HURT itself.
i've heard this phrase "i'm afraid of getting hurt" one too many times.
know this, if you never venture out into the world out there, how are you to know how big ur box is?
even so, if you still venture out there and even get Hurt, well the least that could happen to you is that you will still fall back to the same original box that you were in! correct me if im wrong.
even so, when you go Out Of Your Box, and gained new skills or some other stuffs, you can already expand your box because new things are acquired.
which is equals to more safer comfort zone and better capabilities!

lets talk about in group term.
say theres ta particular group, which altogether makes up the box above.
if the all of them just work within their "safe" zone and only limited to the group strengths and capabilities.
how are they to improve themselves if they continue doing so?
say if one decided to venture out and goes to skill upgrading courses, the other goes to learn more knowledge.
but don't learn new things and just keep it to yourself, then the box wont looked like a box at all because its shape is irregular.
come back to the box, share it with the rest and then everyone else can improve together and then the box would expand and im sure everyone will be at their best!

BUT!
dun try to venture out and not come back to your original box or your Roots i'd rather name it.
for without the box,

you are nothing.

peace.

Dilemma

2009-02-21T06:13:00.006+08:00

As the dawn arrived, he felt torn deep inside.
he blinked, experiencing the moist in his eyes.
in his mind, from the thoughts of another sleepless night.
there he sat, watching the revelation of morning skies.

he dreamt about it again.
this time different.
this time with his sick step brother in his arms.
and his legs feel heavy again.

hopes of a mother,
willingly shared, willingly sacrificed.
feel the utmost responsibility,
to be the pillar of hope, the pillar of help.

in a state of uncertainty and perplexity,
requires him to make choices of equally unfavourable options.

one who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
one may avoid sorrows and sufferings,
but never will learn, feel, change, grow or love.

dark ring encircle the body instrument used for sight.
frail is the body after days honing his skills.

yes Kindness is timeless,
love is indeed easy to give.
just be sure to whom it is being given,
for are they worth given?

talking on the phone for 1200 sec with one who gaves birth to her.
made him think proper,
is it worth the time and attention?
bothers till the Earth is affected.

haiz...

----------------------------------------

"I'm your Mister, you my Mrs. with hugs and kisses.
Valentine cards and birthday wishes? Please.
Be on another level of planning, of understanding
the bond between man and woman, and child.
The highest elevation, cuz we above.
All that romance crap, just show your love"

Method Man ft Mary J.Blige - You're all i need.

hear it out. lyric's a killer.

like this is the last time...

2009-02-12T05:19:00.005+08:00

two more days to february 14th.
a day many enjoys company with their loved one.
the day this man is having 3 years of singlehood.

throughout being single,
meeting a few along the way happened,
unfortunately non was found yet.
life, indeed wasn't favourable, at all seriously.

yes many of you will say the time will come, i agree.
the process of it aint easy, nope not at all.

but along the way i met great people,
people who change my life, making me whoever i am right now.
and i would like to thank 'em for that.

---------------------------

apart from that, Fuyo interschool went on great.
Ahmad, Shayen and Me manage to get to the top 4.
which for me is already a great superb achievement knowing that we went to compete together for the 1st time.
and i managed to get to the top 10 bboy list to go for the Seven2Smoke segment.
the other 9, Andreas, Syafiq, Charlie, Hazrul, Tappy, Kok, Erin, Jayden, Sabri...
all of em have way more experience than me, the underdog of em all.
all in all, i had a great experience battling tho i didnt get any points.
its what i like to call a sweet defeat.
know why? cause i lost to 9 other great bboys which for me was good!

but i observed throughout the comp,
many of the bboys do it from the head.
but not from the heart.
this was backed up by Funky Nas(EG) who brought about this topic.
theres really a difference of which he told me whether the bboy is doing it from the heart or from the head.

i had encouraging words from Mahmud as i was goin home together with him, Dian and Funky Nas.

its really inspiring knowing that it came from somebody whom you look up to, whom inspires you.

---------------------------------

throughout this year,
everything has been going on very smoothly.
everything seems to right suddenly, and i figured there must be something wrong.
no im not being negative.
its just that im too used to having a hard led life that i cannot adapt to this new environment easily.
everything has been going my way suddenly.
weird...

---------------------------------

dear grandma, its been 10 months that you've been gone.
sometimes, i would smell your scent anywhere.
you don't know how hurt i was when i kissed you for the last time.
i miss you deeply.
i wana share with you what has been happening lately.
i wana hear ur stories about the past again.
i just wish i could hear ur laughter one last time.

im not the asraf you used to know anymore,
he can no longer be independent, he cant cope with whatever's happening fast enough.
he's not the strong asraf you knew since young.
and when he fell, he would stay and cry now. when last time he'll be able to pick himself up and walk again.
in my dreams, whatsoever, i just wana see you for the last time.

----------------------------

"you got to rock with the funk, if you wana have a good time."

2009-01-21T05:58:00.009+08:00

This fella right up there's Jia Wei. one stuck up mofo. but this very guy happened to be right there with me when i first joined the crew. From Boot Camp, to Recrew Regenerated, to Styles 'R' Us Danceworks, Momentum, Esplanade Rapture, Muse, Danzation and now Funkamania. in other words, we grew up together.
AND ITS NOT GAY TO GIVE SHOUT OUTS!

im sorry if my previous post had to trouble some readers.
for them to think hard on how to help me out.
trust me, im better off facing this alone.
thanks for the concern my beloved friends.

i would like to express my thanks to the rest of SGC for giving and all-out support,
RSC tho coming a lil late that they missed it but hey yall showed love and its GREAT.
and especially to my daily dosages of fun yet mysterious pack of joy, Ernieza Duckie.

even though we as representatives from RP and SGC, and the first to represent RP and SGC. im glad we made it through the finals, whatever the results will be later at the finals, i still will have joys etched on my torn face.

on the other note,
i never thought i would go star-gazing especially in a great company and at west coast park.
i really had my time well spent with my so call the "other half".
when i say "other half" it don't mean Girlfriends and boyfriends sort.
it means like twins.
we share almost the same thought and everything you could imagine.
one example;
on a few occasions we randomly tried to call each other a few times but to no avail.
know why? because she on the other end tried calling me too!
explains the fun yet mysterious pack of joy.

and for those who wants to print out the previous post's picture and put it up on ur door so YOU CAN THROW DARTS at my irritating face, Go Head Bitches. you can put the below pic as ur next collection also.

aiya JiaWei always spoiler ah, always go inside my picture one. knncb

below would be the video of Style Groovaz at Funkamania 09.
featuring: Soffian akan Yan (black bandana), Jia Wei (towel at the back pocket), Colin (all blue cap), and Me (blue/white cap). girls would be Ain, Cherie, Shayen and Jervenne.

peace.

ps-be in my shoe and try imagining how i would feel about those words that you're about to say or being said.

2009-01-15T10:01:00.004+08:00

Its just not fair when,

Uncle asks you “granny told me you’re not helping her much, groceries, around the house and not taking care of your own dad”

The only source of income in the house doesn’t want to work and depends on you to always remind him to take his medicines.

Mommy is complaining about the house stuffs to you and expects you to come back home and sets everything right.

Mommy complains about sis not going home and not helping her out at home or helping by working.

Sis relies on you to always keeps her secrets, not tell anyone where she is, or even cover her ass for certain stuffs. Relies on you as a confidante and to confide in you and expects you to be there for them.

Your juniors wait for things to happen but not doing anything to make it happen. Ends up people saying you’re not doing my job properly to others and complaining about how unproductive you’re own juniors are. And all expects you to screw them or they themselves expect you to push them.

The crew’s state is all over the place, with people leaving, people coming but not doing anything, and the people left behind are stranded and lost.

A crew welcomes you in but with many things encountered at once, how could you prove that you’re worth the time and commitment to it. When the fact is you really want it but somehow, you just can’t show it due to all of the above. Not that that crew is expecting it from you but you really want to prove it to them that you’re worth it.

Your soul screams for its own self back because you are not yourself recently. As the events that is occurring is disturbing till you changed.

It’s not fair when you tried so hard to mend everything back but ends up just making it worse. Its so hard to please everyone.

It’s just not fair when you grew up not having a proper life, a proper family, a proper growing up period.

I mean, Who would ask for their parents to be divorced when you’re only 2?

And its really heartbreaking when,

you go out and you see a family at a restaurant eating dinner happily.

you just wished for a decent family with mom and dad and brothers and sisters.

Having to learn life thru the hard way and its been ongoing for 19 and half years and situation doesn’t show any signs of improvements.

you lost the people you depended upon, the people you love within a short time.

Having a mother whom you love ALOT but not being able to see her everyday.

Having a father whom you would really love to love but he himself is not in the right state of mind to think for himself.

Having to deal with death of loved ones within a short period of time.

Having lost a grandmother you wouldn’t trade for the world, and losing her right by ur watch.

Having lost ur grandfather whom you couldn’t see for the last time and a grandfather who would really know how to deal with these problems.

I miss having to grow up with a proper family. Having a proper dad and mom.

Whoever said its impossible to miss what you never had.

Its just not fair, they leave me alone to go thru this violent world alone.

for those who still cares, im deeply thankful for the care and concern yall have given me. but you know, i just want to have a normal happy life.

2009-01-05T09:46:00.003+08:00

whats your 2009 resolution?
mine was simple.
i just want a better year. thats all.
rather not ask much as im afraid of being disappointed.

i had a great start to 2009.
RhythmicStylezCrew decided to warm up my welcoming into the crew by having the welcome battle.
as expected, the battle was to happen there, and then.
which is moments after the stroke of the clock, at the very place i was, vivocity's rooftop.
it went on real good, real tiring, just really real.
went on for good 2 hours(i think) plus alongside Faque and OneROC.
surprisingly after that tiring long battle, i still yearned for more. tho i was shivering at that time.
but all in all, i had a wonderful welcoming and shoutouts to RSC for being with me while i was down and pouring at one point of time.
i cant help reminiscing my 2008.
big shoutout to Oneski for encouraging me further
"i have ur back bro, and you have my back too, so who has who's front?"
tho i don't really understand it, i knew it meant well...
big ups for brother Camou Artist without whom, im not who i am right now.
and to the rest of the RSC family, thank you for letting me be a part of the fam.

other than that i spent my weekend at home to make up for the week i wasn't really at home most of the time.

and to make my 2009 a lot more happier, i came to class as early as 8.15. when class starts at 8.30. which for me, is very early:) tho i slept at 4.

i started realising one thing about myself recently.
i've changed to become a more quiet person, i dun really know why.
last time, i was very bubbly, very chirpy, would try to disturb anyone whenever i can, laughing out loud and will always try to participate in anything that can be participated (even joining conversations).

but eversince the last Hari Raya i realised,
that usually for hari raya, i will go and sit in the living room to chat especially with late grandma or even finish the Kuih Tart on the jar. but on the last, all i did was to come to my aunt's place, sleep wake up to salam2 then went back home.
as soon as i reached my other grandma's place, i went to sleep again cos i dun feel like facing anyone.

last week when i went out with my Bukit Panjang homies, we chilled everywhere and when we sit, we will usually chat and talk and stuffs. what i did was to sit at another corner, listening to mp3 and just never get involved in the conversation.
till to the point where one of my friends ask "dude, what happened to you? why you like so quiet?" i didnt understood what he said but only recently i did.

only yesterday at my house, one of my uncle's ex-wife came over, she was the one who looked after me when i was young and i'll always play around with her childrens, my cousins.
when she came i sat and one side of the living room and plainly watch the tv when she asked a few questions, all i answered was a one or two word answer.
can anyone explain this trauma...

ernie's say its about my hormones, maybe it is, maybe not. but i think it has something to do with what had happened recently.

ouh well...

the line has already been drawn
the line has already being made clear long time ago
please understand why its there...

2008-12-03T04:56:00.002+08:00

my cat is being missed...

Understanding months it's passed.
Knowledge-truth-cipher days i stayed by H side.
the number we like was Build.
i'll remember the times spent with Universe.

wonder what it means?
go check out Supreme Mathematics/Alphabet and decipher if you really want to know:)

check out what Father to the U means!

in the meanwhile, i'll just keep drowned in my miseries, my worries and my unhappiness.
my love for the family keeps me worried until i dont eat, affecting my personal life, my health.
still, aint givin up!

you know, i missed the joys of being in love, forget the problems.
staring at the opposite sex's eyes yearning of them more.
of wonderful things you can do with them, for them.
i missed what i felt 4 years back.

i still can count it. im 40 months out of home!
still not planning to go back:)

2008-12-01T15:10:00.006+08:00

Flame awards,
Theme: Masquerade.

wonderful event. with the exception of nervous Emcees and whack food.
i must say HHIG dressed up with the occasion.
who says we only know how to dance, we know how to dress up too.

the representation of me in white oufit and mask was to show the anonymity of a person from public eyes.
with hoodie in the cap, it represented the old skool.
many asked about my rather unusual dress up.
but hey, i answered, im still representing the culture through whatever.

Look up the screen! my name!

before i went on stage, i was nervous. many eyes on one, only on me.
before me, the lady who received the award didnt got much cheers from the audience,
but as soon as i heard my name called,
the crowds soon cheered and shouted.
and amongst i can see my crewmates standing up, and some others too.
i thank you all, friends, crewmates, everyone.
congrats to Abang and Colin too for receiving the award.

ever imagine what would the crew be without your existence?
if you have doubts about your answer, make the difference!

and to those who this may concern,
when the authorities asked all of yall to be down,
stop questioning the authorities,
when i say authorities it doesnt neccessarily mean a person, it may be the rules or the law.
do you need any else explanations when it comes to urgent matters?
unless with reasonable reasonings, its excusable.

nothing else to update besides me getting myself ready for bigger things...

look at how happy we are, i'd pray that moments like this lasts.

why do you think some people are always being picked,
for comps, perfs or smth good?
you wana say about unfairness?
think again,
would it be fair that those who worked really hard to get whatever they wanted,
to be wherever they wanted to be?
and some of you whine that some people are just born to be better dancers and what not.
i think otherwise.
they put their heart and soul into it, dedicate every time and space available be it in the dance studio or at home so that they can be someone someday.
and some of you? just wana sit down and continue dwelling?
make them as a source of your motivation,
to motivate yourself not to get lagged behind.
naturally if one sees the other improving, the rest will try to follow up too.
else they will get left behind.
its up to the individual to come up to that challenge or not.

so don't just laze around and complain to other people that you weren't given the opportunity.
you gotta open the door yourself to let the opportunities come to you. period.

2008-11-26T04:13:00.003+08:00

COME ON!
i've had enough problems already,
yet still some of you decided to add on more to it.
where's ur fucken initiative?
wheres's your fucken love for the crew?

this keeps coming up over and over and over again,
everytime any of us try to help it, it gets worst!

whats the use of trying to sit yall down and try to solve and let things go ur way for once,
and ended up you guys giving back the same shit?

don't just keep complaining, DO SOMETHING!

and when i try to help, the least you can do is appreciate!
not going against the own words that you suggested.

if you think of this to bring the crew down,
i wont back off, i will NEVER.
i know many of us already give up trying to help,
BUT I WONT STOP, AND I CANT STOP!
its like a part of me,
and it needs attention.
the rest of can give up too,
but mind you, I WONT GIVE UP.

AND THOSE WHO THINK WE ARE SOME FORM OF SHIT,
WE'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
Hopefully it will come in soon,
prolly Funkamania.

you watch out.

and say if the seniors are still here,
at least they can prevent this from happening.
but where the heck are you guys?

2008-11-23T17:20:00.002+08:00

its the 23rd again.
but compared to other 23rds,
23rd nov came in quick...
wonder why.

am currently coping well with whatever that's happening right now.
alhamdullilah.
spent whole day at home with grandma yesterday.
yes i know me being at home on saturdays is not a norm, but heck.
i love my grandma.

currently at home with dad,
grandma went to shop for groceries with my uncle and aunt, Wak Man and Mummy.

i call this aunt mummy coz she's like my mum,
take care of me, treat me and sis good,
i called her mummy since like i was 4-5 yrs old?

im goina have a packed week ahead preparing for danzation, closing bash.
ouh did i told you i was being nominated for the recipient for flame awards.
its basically an awards ceremony to recognise those who have done much contribution and to the upbringing of the Interest Group, in this case my crew.
the recipients are Yan (president), Colin (events mgr), Asraf (Jr mgr)

another "thank god" moment.

alright gg head downstairs, "mummy" called to take the stuffs from the car downstairs.
PEACE!

2008-11-15T04:23:00.004+08:00

Style Methodz Crew

rolling from left to right,
again and again.
cant seem to get my mind right,
cos the heart is in pain.

why does the heart feel this way,
is it because of what's happening?
or is it just me,
that is keeping the brain straining?

been a tiring friday,
and im worned out.
my closed eyelids just wouldnt stay,
coz things has been going in my mind and out.

its all due to my selfishness that its happening,
not thinking nor appreciating other's deeds.
for its all has been shitting,
on me hard at once with one big hit.

-----------------------------------------------

on wednesday night,
while on the way home, the muse's adrenaline is still rushing.
but it all crumbles and fall once i stepped into the house.
my uncle waited two days and stayed over to talk to me.

we talked, for mere 2 hours from 12 am to 2 am.
mind you, this uncle isnt any ordinary friendly uncle.
i believe he's an OG (original gangster) and as far as i've known,
he wouldnt think twice about laying his hands on anyone.

but i was surprised at the way he talked to me,
its like he's a friend, a brother.
we talked like how he always talk, like how i used to talk years ago.
gangster's slang.

but thats nt the point.

he asked me many things;
why i didnt go skool for a period of time,
why i didnt contact anyone when i never go home,
why i always reach home at arnd 1, 2 am,
why i always let my grandma do the housework when she's old and frail,
why i let her be sick because of me.

theres a lot more.
but theres one in particular.

he asked whether why im doing all that because i dun feel cared for or loved for.
i boldly answered YES.

well its the fact!
since when did anyone ever cared about me?
since when did anyone nowadays even my sister asked about how im doing or hows my day going along?
and since when did anyone ever bothered about where i go or whom i go with?
and even got "what you want?" straight when i called my sister otp?

but he told im wrong,
he explained about my grandma letting me stay with her,
how disappointed my grandma was when she found out i didnt go skool for some period of time.
how my father wanted to get close to his children despite his condition.

and i realised that some of my uncles and aunties blamed me for my late grandfather's death.
neednt elaborate more.

---------------------------------------------------------------

and now i have to take care of a lot of things.
my one and only grandma is sickly because of me,
my dad has nobody to look after or nobody to remind him to take his medications.
and my sister being in her condition right now.
mum is struggling with her family and bloody stepfather aint doing anything to help.
how to deal with the only thing that makes me happy the most-dancing.

and after giving much thought to my problems im facing,
i realised that it has all be related to me dancing.
needless to say of me goin home late, tired and sweaty.
me just throwing the used shirts into the wash machine for my grandma to wash.
and with me goin home late at night and waking up early in the morning or late afternoons.
seldom talking or checking on my grandma.
and me not goin home prolly coz of tiredness of dancing and pure laziness to go home.
im not blaming on any party, im just explaning my faults and flaws.

for now i only see two paths leading ahead.

1st, a path where i have to realli put aside or dump my dancing hobby so that i can take better care of the ones i love. and to have a better future where i can have better life ahead.
but the hitback will be that, it will be a selfish desicion for me to do that.
what will become of the people around me if i chose to take this path?
what will be of my loved crew whom my love for them is... unexplainable?
what will become of my most deared juniors whom im being looked up upon and being set as a role model?

2nd, a path that says heck care about them problems and just do what i like to do and enjoy the most, but still coming to school.
but will spend less time with my sick grandma/dad/sister?

now now, dun bother about me, but i just wana make sure that my desicions, the outcome wouldnt be a regrettable one and it would affect anybody in a bad way.

so much to please everyone aye?

brother oneski explained,
you just gotta chill bro,
no use being angry at them blaming you for shit.
you just do what you have to do to 1st.
dancing be it bboying or just dance can wait.
just let the hunger for dance come over you.
then when one day you finally get the chance,
i believe you will be at your best that day,
practise and all is not really needed,
if you are really hungry for it,
it will come to you naturally and one day you'll just explode!

inspiring words given by the brother whom always understands his friends' problems.

enough said.

i feel better after letting it out here...
thank you for reading this long post.

ps- i dun tink everyone is judgemental. it totally depends.

2008-11-09T18:51:00.003+08:00

awoke by the sound of aunts gossiping, the smell of uncles smoking,
i decided to indulge myself with the beautiful sounds of my mp3.
currently hooked to the song You got me - The Roots.
an old school hiphop song, quite relaxed.

sunday morning rain is falling,
the lyrics of the song opened by bestie worm otw back from clarke quay.
it suits everything, the mood everyone's in - sleepy.
slow song, yet fitting everyone ears needs.

and seems like being home on a sunday seems so perfect
as it is the only day i get to rest before going all out next week.

Muse is up next wednesday,
i hope i'll do well and not drag everyone else down.
hopefully after that, my schedules will be eased up as i can prepare for other impt stuffs,
battles, cyphers, life, studies.
after muse, next up is Danzation.
an invitation by ngee ann poly's NRA

i've decided i would assess to every problem proper and try to solve it,
so far schoolng issues have been solved,
with me coming school early almost every day of last week.
others are yet to be assessed to.

so that i can move on slowly.

Wak Man talked to me earlier,
says he understood wad im goin thru.
knowing life is hard for me currently,
dad doesnt want to work, sister being dangerously ill,
grandmother being all alone every day at home.
yes my body may be at skool or dance studio,
but my mind is still stucked back at home,
reasons why sometimes im deep in my thinking.

i guess i shall keep myself occupied for the moment.

2008-11-04T09:39:00.006+08:00

its been a while since i last blogged,
apologies for im real busy with dance and stuffs.
apologies to RSC for being MIA due to my dance,
Apologies to my Bukit Panjang homies for not coming down chilling with yall,
apologies to everyone.

the previous week was a wreck for me.
probably one of the worst week i've ever had.

Tuesday;
supposed to be reporting for Reflections opening practise at 9,
but woke up at arnd 9.30 and came to studio at 10.30, knowing i have to do a lot of catching up.

practised at e4,
went back to studio for larry's class.
but was disappointed + pissed coz got knocked out in the 1st round during the Battle larry conducted.
his reason? didnt see what happened when the opposing team crash (-_-")
and i only replied enough for a reply. ouh well, it aint the 1st time im getting like that,
its already the 6-7th time i never get fully involved in a battle, its either im not allowed, or somehow never manage to got thru due to poor judge's skills.
another disapointment.

when studio closing time, i realised i misplaced my hp somewhere and well, you guessed it, i lost it.
sheeshh..

Wednesday;
slept over at thumb's house hoping to be early for the opening practice, but ended up waking up at 12!
went hard for practise, with mood swings in my head.
asked around the Fusion dancers to ask them about any updates,
only to find out i was being kicked out.
well thats fine for me, but thing is, i was being told only when i asked,
what if i nvr asked and still came the next day?
wonderful crewmates aye?

if thats not enough already, i basically got lecturing and Screwing from my advisor, Zaini.
many things he said was like quite ridiculous.
one in particular,
Zaini : do you smoke?
me : yea la, why? ( in a somehow pissed manner)
Zaini : no i just wana know how you all operate.

WTH?
wad does he meant by "operate"?

rahh.

Thursday :
me, yan, ragu, hakim, joann, jason slept over at thumb's house.
next day, we were late for like 1 minute coz obviously we can see the clock the moment we enter e4.
what happens next realli sparked me off.
it goes a lil smth like this
me : eh macaroni ah? sikit?
...: eh you go do ten push up 1st then wait 4 mins there 1st.

what kinda attitude is that?
certainly that sentence can be rephrase so it applies well to both parties.
as i've told many of you, i dun like being ordered to do things.

and basically stoned my way through the day.

Friday:
from 9 am in the morning, my grandma was nagging at me for my skool and stuffs,
i dun like to be disturbed when i sleep!
argued with her for like 3hours + then called to say i was late.
took cab to skool so that i dun miss out much during practise, tearing my eyes out otw there and at e4 itself.
felt so ashamed of myself.

helluva week aint it.

i just hope this week turn out to be better.

i've been dreaming about this one particular thing,
and i couldnt remember until few days ago,
i've been dreaming that i was walking up a hill, high one.
and i was carrying a heavy bag behind me.
but each step i take,
was heavy, was like it doesnt want to move,
like im being pulled back.

this dream, is true...

and i believe theres a meaning to it, in fact alot of meanings.

and i think that of which is that,
all these things that im handling, my problems, my thoughts
and everything that's pulling me back,
prevents me from moving forward.
prevents me from going to the top.

i dun needa be true to u guys, but im being true to myself,
i think god is showing me the path true this hardships.

i think its either i leave the burdens or try to ease them so that i can move on proper.

i thank god for showing me the path that leads to a better life.

i love my Sister, SGC, and my bestfriend Samantha.

i miss RSC.

2008-10-15T03:04:00.010+08:00

Style Methodz Represent!

it hurts to see that, the music that you grew up to.
has become to something else, something more disregardful...
to portray girls as cheap sex objects, like girls would wana surround you anywhere you go.
throwing money in the air like it can help them poor African people.
and showing their masculinity through album covers and rhymes.
like showing the oiled masculine body to which not only girls are looking, but men, child and even homos.
no disrespect to homos but im just tryna exaggerate so that people can understand.
and telling the listeners of how they wana kill each other, what guns or protect the territory
of which aint theirs to start with.

watch the documentary, HipHop:Beyond Beats & Rhymes. you'll understand
if ur a rapper or u you know someone who raps, tell em about this documentary.

HipHop to me is a way of life,
a struggle of one's attempt to prove or to do something good,
for both self and the community.

and as for me, my path is thru the Dance of HipHop,
Bboying.

i prefer to channel my energy thru bboying,
rather than to gangbangings or some shits.

yet and still i realise thru the video below,
that Bboys are also changing,

is the awareness of HipHop culture are in the minds of the new generation of bboys?

What about the social issues, the mindstate, the awareness, the history, the urge to seek truth about the culture?

has everyone forgotten about why we are here in the 1st place?

i know im in no position to say this all...
but can i question?

Knowledge and Understanding is the key.
the key to everything.
the key to preserving the hipHop Culture.

however with the internet, some fake knowledge may be passed around.
but Real knowledge itself, is under our own control.
i think that as Bboys, we have a responsibility, realise it or not,
to represent the culture for what it is,
to keep it real by keeping it right.

watch the video to understand what bboying is really about.
it is an interview of Bboy Teknyc, aka The Cypher Sniper
representing SkillMethodz.
one of the most passionate Bboys i've ever seen...

dont just look at what he's doing, listen to what he says too. :)

on another personal note,
Im proud of my juniors.
have fun for your debut guys!
i know its unreasonable to say it here,
but i dunnoe how to say it in front of u guys.
teehee.

and one random phrase i thought of while on the way home,

"to me, Women are of meaningful pursuits, rather than disposable pleasures"
-Ash.Fresh™

2008-10-11T03:33:00.006+08:00

well im back...
sent Mahmud off to the airport yesterday for his UK bboy champs.
then chilled there with Isnaidi, Oneski and Sheeq.
basically just walked around and sat at coffee bean and talked crap.

and i swear if my condition aint getting better im goina die soon.
i've been on the run from my flu, and those basic sickness, plus some muscle aches to add on to the misery.
causing me not able to come on the friday practise, missing out on my juniors preview.

i tink its prolly over mental and physical exhaustion.

i tink im losing myself more,
i've not been going to school for mere two weeks now,
i lost my bboying form, shows while battling ReyROC.
what else?

just to sum up my hari raya,
i spent my morning of Hari raya at Al-iman mosque with my Happy People.
then off to the eldest aunt's house at bukit panjang.
Raya felt different without Grandma :'(
then went back home...
spent the remainder of the day sleeping.

updates on my juniors?
they've been great.
cooperating, working hard.
but still not as hard.
but well.
lets just see...

and their Debut Showcase is next week's thursday!

and weeks upcoming will be my production, Muse.

i'll end it here, cant sleep.

later!

my best friend of 11 years, Khairill aka Worm

my cousin in blue had baby in his arms, i decided to lift this kid up! he aint no kid anyway, he's a year older:) Nazrul

indulging on plates of bread and chicken curry all to myself.

my one and only sister, cuz nad took this while my sis and i was crying, dammit.

i would like to introduce you, my Happy People.
God please light up the path of my dark alley.

2008-09-27T03:00:00.009+08:00

This post and my blog song is dedicated especially to the ones in the pictures below.

God bless Hajjah Ginah Bte Lipot, Ahmad bin Salleh, and Nuraisyah bte Redzwan.
i lost the ones i love, and no, Aisyah is still breathing yet,
its just a dedication to those i love.

this explains why i have been on the low, feeling rather sad and lonely.

but i have my productions to get my mind off things.
i dunnoe what im goina do after that so that i dun think much.

this year's ramadhan has really taught me to be strong.
to be someone who really can handle all these despite its big blows.
yet to shed a tear still coz i dun wana be passing my fasting day.
and it really is hard.
My friends im proud to say are helping me as much as they can.
i appreciate that.

the song in my blog, as you can hear,
reflects what im going thru.
another emo song, yes i know.

to my dearest style groovaz,
you guys are not just any 2nd family to me, you guys ARE my family.
thats why i try my very best to be down whenever i can for the crew, for my family.
but somehow, some people just treat this as just another time wasting hobby, sadly.

and to my fellow Style Groovaz Juniors,
do make me proud,
your dance reflects my dance so i'll do my part.
but please ensure that you do your part for without it,
my efforts are gone to waste.
yes i may be annoying and fierce and irritating as i may seem.
but its all for my love for you guys that im doing this,
to carry on the Style Methodz tradition which i pledged not long ago.
and all i am when i was with you guys, is me,
like the saying goes, "what you see is what you get"
yes, my mood reflects the correct timing and placing.
though yet and still some of you wont understand.
i know by now some of you have already have an image of me being an asshole.
i still accept that nonetheless.
but its all for the good.
if i mada mistakes, let the coming hari raya be and excuse for me to apologise to each and everyone of you.

i love my Style Methodz/Style Groovaz Family.

and of course, thank you Aisyah

----------------------------------------------------------------

Mariah Carey Ft Akon, Lil Wayne
Bye bye lyrics.

(Mariah Carey and Akon):
This is for my people's
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man, or your lady
Put your hands way up high
(Put 'em way up high)
We will never say bye
Never, no, no
(Never say goodbye)
Momma's, daddies, sistas
Friends and cousins
(Yeah)
This is for my people's
Who lost they grandmothers
(Yeeeeaaahh)
Lift ya hands to the sky
(Lift 'em way up high),
'Cause we will never say bye
(Never say goodbye)

(Akon):
I know, I know you're gone
I know i'll see you again
One thing that I can promise
That we gon' meet up again
Hopefully up in heaven
Prayin' that i'm forgiven
For everything that i've done
And everything
I forgot to mention
If feel so bad
To be without my homie
And every since
You've been absent
I've been so lonely
Why does our life cycle
Round like a trophy
Even though know somebody
Took the time to warn me
That you just keep me
'Til the end it's just crazy
And everyday i'm wishin' you
Could come save me
And I know a man
Ain't supposed to cry
It's taken all the strength
In my soul to say goodbye

(Mariah Carey/Chorus):
Bye, bye (22x)

(Mariah Carey):
And you never got the chance
To see how good i've done
And you never got to see me
Back at number one
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could spend
The holidays together
I remember when you used
To tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear
You gave to me
That I held so tight
I thought you
Were so strong
That you can make it
Through whatever
It's so hard
To accept the fact
You're gone forever
I never knew
I could hurt like this
And everyday
Life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you
For awhile
I wish I could find a way
Try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach
A better place
Still
I'll give the whole world
To see your face
And I'm right here
Next to you
It feels
Like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do
Is say bye, bye

(Mariah Carey/Chorus):

(Lil' Wayne):
How come
They call it goodbye?
How come the good die?
See I just get high
And think of the good times
That I had with my pops
He was a good guy
How come the good die?
As i protect my mother
'Cause i'm her oldest son
And there
Are different worlds
And we in the coldest one
Which one did granny go to?
And why do death come?
As my baby ask
Where do babies come from
I tell her where
I tell her why
And I tell her I love her
Until I tell her bye
And whenever
I shall ever die
I hope you celebrate it
I hope you never hated
And they say heaven's gated
But I think I know the code
And let's get your life right
By the end of the road
That's why I drive alone
Down memory lane
So if I crash
I hope ya'll
Remember Wayne

(Mariah Carey/Chorus):
I never knew
I could hurt like this
And everyday
Life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you
For awhile
I wish I could find a way
Try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach
A better place
Still
I'll give the whole world
To see your face
And I'm right here
Next to you
It feels
Like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do
Is say bye, bye

It's hard to say
Bye, bye, bye, bye
So come on
Somebody say it with me
Wave ya hands up high
'Cause this is for my people's
Who just lost somebody
See this is for everybody
Just lift ya hands to the sky
'Cause we will never say bye, bye

2008-09-24T03:32:00.004+08:00

Shoot the cupid down, FUCK LOVE.

Finally bloggy has a new look.
simple.
but fuck it. simplicity is the new sex!
many things going on right now.
both in reality and in my mind.
nobody cares anyway.

2008-09-21T18:31:00.005+08:00

Rythmic Styles Crew feat. me (they pull me into this picture!)

Aminah -sgc junior and me

the fresh scent of the newly painted house of mine still lingers
awaiting its decoration, everything else would be complete.

thankfully, cousin husnie came over to help me out,
if not i'll be dying and straining my eyes due to the sleepless night before.

start time - 8.30 am
finish time- 3.30 pm!
early aye?

then had one hour rest before DblDee pestered me to join RSC's outing to HipHop hurray.

break-fast at foodloft marina square.
bumped into Aminah and her Gfs there and at HipHopHurray, celebrating her belated birthday.

throughout the night, i was struggling with myself.
struggling with my sleep.
struggling with the thoughts of my head.
struggling to restrain myself of doing smth stupid.

but yeah.
RSC was there to chill me out.
especially oneski and CA.

the brothers i wish i ever had.

i kept struggling.
too much in my mind.
should take it one at a time.

wonders why people can switch off easily.

allow me to occupy my time with my productions and for my juniors.

later!

2008-09-11T23:29:00.004+08:00

Its been a week since school started.
yet i feel as lonely as ever.
no early morning greetings from Granddad.
no smile from him to just make my heart yearn more.

All the duration of the journey from home to school,
was spent listening to the mp3.
i feel like a loner.
but as much as i want company, i'd rather be left alone.

today's break-fast was spent with my Juniors along with Soffian my president
over at Banquet Causeway point.
indeed some company.

and yes,
some of you might know it already somehow.
i've cleared things with Aisyah.
i've experience the best life has to offer with her.
compared to the bad moments, they are still nothing if i were to remember the happy moments.
Indeed Aisyah made my life more happier.

i've been blinded and drowned by my own fear that i caused people surrounding me, including Aisyah, to suffer.
once again,i admit my mistake and i apologise for all those unwanted things i've done.

but there are more happier things in life that we both can look forward to.
so we both made the choice of goin our seperate ways.
all good or bad things have to come to an end eventually right.
im glad we both end it on the right note.

now i must be all focused and geared up for my fellow babies,
i want to train them hard and ensure that even though how bad or good you are,
i will try my very best to make all of them even.

because someone said to me which is stucked to my head till forever.
"you are only as good as your weakest crew member"

so guys,
better buck up before i buck you up.

----------------------------------------------

thank you Mrs Silly Sunshine

2008-09-07T01:39:00.007+08:00

WAIT....

what's going on right now?
you and me i mean.

maybe im just what they call,
syiok sendiri.

i understood that you called it off.
but didnt i change ur mind therafter?
oops... i guess with things now, it doesnt.

alright then,
allow me to get things straight.
coz its hella twisted now i must say.

i emphasized about my nothingness because,
i wanna show how sincere i was,
and that nothing else gets in my way of loving you,
and that nothing gets in your way of loving me.
not even my girl-friends, or friends, nor anything else.

believe me, (i doubt you do now)
but all ur statements about me doing those stuffs that i dun intend i do is wrong.

proof?
i get back to you each time and tried making it up to you.
does that explains all?

maybe i tried, but i guess i should try harder.

but hell no.
the doors are shut,
the path to happiness leads another way,
one narrow path,
leading to the darkness,
where only one man can fit thru,
only with my wits and self for my protection.

------------------------------------------------

its just that i've been trying to help you out.
i kept emphasizing not to run away coz it will come back to you,
in ways that you or others cant handle.
which is why i've been pestering you not to be negative.
but i guess you don't realise that you've not allowing me to help you.
like me not being able to get thru you.
changing the topic.

i understand that you're tired of all these shit.
i admit now that i've been adding to your misery.
which is why you closed the door for me and open for others.

-------------------------------------------------

and i feel that you're drowned in your miseries that you tend to forget about others.
you showed up under my block to help ease things off my mind.
was very appreciative and i gave u an easy time talking to me.

but what happened the next few days was shocking for me...
i dun understand why.

and that explains why i wonder whether you ever think of me one teeny weenie moment eversince.

-------------------------------------------------

and i guess Xuan was right.
im a negative person and all i ever was,
is someone who thinks very negatively.
and that i feel is affecting people around me.
making me assume things i shouldnt.

and Joann was right.
i only have nothing only when i think i have nothing.

all i ever was is one negative guy,
even though i thought it was to prepare me for the worst,
it shows how coward i am.

scared to be facing the future,
be it good or bad.

i realise everything now.

everything happens for a reason,
and for this very reason which is my own self.
all i need was a slap to the face and a knock to the brains.

sometimes, some things are meant to be kept to yourself.
but that doesnt prevents anyone from being truthful,
even though knowing things that you shouldnt may hurt.
accept the reality Ash.

-----------------------------------------

i've been hanging out with Rythmic Styles Crew,
them bboys i should say are like brothers to me.
i feel more closer to them because,
they can understand me better because most of them are living a ghetto life like mine.
one way or another.
and with them, i can be more of myself.

sharing life's experiences,
knowledges of hiphop.
the real meaning of Brothers,
and the real meaning of having one's back and being there when one's needed.

real recgonizes the real.

im not saying Style Groovaz are worst...
they are the best for me...
but as said, they cant always be there since they are also living their own life.
Fret not, im always on to my roots,
for without 'em my branches wont stretch out more.

--------------------------------------------------

Aisyah,
the miseries, the hurt, the hate i've caused.
i apologise.

i know most of it is on me,
but realise that some is on you too.
misunderstangs,
admit em too for there's no one else would ever dare to come up to you and say,
"hey you misunderstood me too?"
i got guts to say because i dun wana fear this and that.

still fault is on me as i stated all these shit.
its regrettable.
but im still me,
i dun regret my actions.

2008-09-04T23:18:00.006+08:00

im goin out of my mind...
maybe im just paranoid...

where were you when i needed you the most.
each time this phone rings,
my heart skipped it beats hoping it was from you.
each and every time, its not.

a guy in despair,
thats what i am now.

honestly, i have nothing else to prove...

i dun have one proper family,
i dun even have a place call home.
each and every time i see people goin out with their families,
in the corner of my mind, how i wish i could have one single moment of that.

i dun own a car, nor a bike.
i dun have money...

i dun even have the looks...
girls would only have the first look when they pass me.

i dun dress fancily,
what's left in my wardrobe, is all that.
i dun own a nike, adidas or puma apparels.

im not even close to being a good bboy or a dancer...
people would just see me as a typical noob.
if u reader/s think im good, think again.

i dun own anything else except for something the size of my fist.

My Heart.

its all i own...

though there's not much love in that precious heart of mine.
still, i still dun mind sharing it with others.

and so, i cant give anything else but just love, care and concern.

im sorry i cant give in to everyones' needs.

---------------------------------------------

sometimes, i wonder
did you ever consider giving my little needs a little thought.

---------------------------------------------

i have choices...
some of the choices would make you hate me for doing so...
or even some where it'll completely destroy your life...

but i chose to act maturely.

its all about making the right choices for both you and me.

i stayed, believing that you're worthy of it.

on the morning of 22nd august,
you told me to live my life and carry on alone.

don't you still understand that my life is about you...

that very night i showed how bad you mean to me,
how bad i need you.

don't that prove you enough...
well i guess nothing is ever enough yeahh...

get this right...
im not tryna destroy ur image...
nor im tryna humiliate you...
well maybe i should.
its the only way i can get thru u yeah?

you were the one who brought this to yourself...
believe me.

i tried getting thru to you.
but to no avail.
how else but here?

im not a guy who thinks that "ouh i've done my part and that's that"
friends whom know me well enough will noe that i'll ensure the other party will do their part as well.

theres lots more...
i need not say anything else.

i just gotta talk this with you.
if you have got your reasons,
i wana hear it out.

coz everything happens for a reason.

-----------------------------------

and boy, showering her with gifts and words is indeed very sweet of you.

but believe me, the other party will come to you for the wrong reasons...

the other party might deny this but you wont know boy, you wont know.

im not saying im any better, im not even as good as you. not even close.

but i've tasted enough salt to know what's happening without even people telling, or even know what's goina happen.

get this clear, i aint having no tiff with ya.
i'll highlight again...

I've got nothing to prove..

--------------------------------------------

today when i wake up,
you didnt look the same as last night.
and it just dun feel right anymore.
and girl when you wake up,
i wont be there for you no more.

if one is making a mistake, let one do it so that one can realise it oneself.

i dun wana be saying "i told you so"...

--------------------------------------------

hate me for all you want,
i've nothing else to lose.

yes people, you are right, im nothing, and i dun have anything.

2008-08-30T13:46:00.004+08:00

picture of me and my cousins.

My Sis and me on my late grandfather.
(i think this is me when im arnd 4 like tt)

the picture itself explains everything.

prayers to late grandfather whom had passed away on morning of wednesday 27th august.
i have yet to shed a tear due to his loss.
its more of a "redha" thing because he need not suffer on earth anymore.

with what's happening right now,
all i got is them friends to slowly help me stand up again.

its the point in life where its called.
'The Breaking Point'

yea, take advantage of me during this point.
for the moment im back on my feet.
i'll make sure i set things the way i want it to be.
try me.

it breaks my heart when mum said that it could be the so called consequence.
let me try to put this.

when Dad took his "realm and divine knowledge"
he broke the laws of it.
it caused him to be mentally unstable.
and some of the consequence of breaking the laws of it might be....
according to my mum, is you cant see your own children.
for fear of either party suffering or people surrounding me suffering.

and if i cant see my dad, that means i cant see my grandma coz she's staying with him!

late grandma on mum's side passed away,
dad quit his job,
grandma on dad's side sickly.
grand dad passed away...

it couldnt be a coincidental incident duncha think so.

i wana run away from all these, but where?

and i manage to broke one family up along the way?
it is too good to be a coincidence.

y decide the way i should live?
Im still capable of choosing what's right for me and what's not.
i know whats best for me, and what's not.

and im not tryna humiliate.
im stating what's right..
i have the right to express it too.

well at least ur much more happier now.

it kills me seeing all this and hearing all that.
and most of all it kills me not to be able to do things like usual.

2008-08-22T02:13:00.003+08:00

[Vibekingz - Save a room for me]

I know you use to tell us coming around,
Telling your dreams but they only bring you down
Got your own thing dont need too much of nothing only the one thing thats hard to find,

Good Lovin

Girl I'm sure you want more
And you deserve everything
So please before you close that door
Save a little room for me
A girl like you so hard to find
I can't let you pass me by
You can take my hand it'll be alright
Can't you see it in my eyes, save a little room

[Chorus:]
Before I make you mine
Try it one more time
Got to make you mine
Save a little room
So I can get to you baby
Follow me all the way to your heart

I know you heard it all time and time again
They say anything to get in
You keep giving in you know its going nowhere
Realise there is no worth no one is really perfect
But someone will put you first.
Girl I'm sure, you want more
And you deserve everything,
So please before you close that door save a little room for me...

[Chorus:]
Before I make you mine
Try it one more time
Got to make you mine
Save a little room
So I can get to you baby
Follow me all the way to your heart

--------------------------------------------

been having this song on my lappy for years.

just wana express. not to depress.

lyrics by,

http://www.kovideo.net/lyrics/v/Vibekingz-And-K-Young/Save-A-Little-Room-For-Me.html

2008-08-21T04:35:00.004+08:00

its my swipe, not an airflare.

speechless...

i miss.
i need.
i love.
i disappointed.

where do i stand...
i don't understand...

let me speak...
for its the forgiveness that i seek...

let it unravel...

2008-08-20T04:53:00.001+08:00

Sad love songs are filling in,

To fit in the mood im in.

Kills me when Im thinkin,

It should be on me tt ur blamin.

Figuring out whats goin on,

For things to have ended up on this song.

Wondering why we not getting along,

Coz im just plain scared to be left alone.

Do I remind u of the pain,

That he put u through, girl?

To make u feel this way again,

As for me you remind me of the world.

Its understood that you’re avoiding,

For the past to happen again.

When it’s the very thing ur avoiding,

That’s happening.

I dun wish to add on to ur misery,

I just hope for u to be happy.

I’d take the extra mile,

Just to see you smile.

We got in this together,

Lets not take forever.

And when I pull u out from drowning in the water,

Believe me, things are goina get better.

I wana show,

That im the best there is to know.

Well not exactly the best,

Coz the greatest in me you’ve yet to know.

My eyes watered,

Feeling torn and tattered.

Dun get this poem wrong,

For I did this when the heart is scattered.

“what happens when green meets blue?

You get me and you!

And just whatever u do,

You’ll always be my Silly Gundu” -Ash.Fresh™

“Red Green Black and Blue

The colours that symbolizes me and you.

Seconds, hours, days and months oh I wish it will last forever

For I want the digit to increase its number.

We may hit bumps on our journey,

But no matter what we’ll stay together and go with the flow.

Oh I miss u right now like someone needs a kidney,

Serious it is that bad that I want u to know.

I want you to throw ur arms arnd and hug me tight,

Assure me we’re gonna make this work and stay away from having to fight.

U shower me with love making me feel like a small baby

Oh I must say im so lucky.

Dear Asraf I just wanna wish you a gd night.

Do take care of urself.

I miss u, love.”

I-sya @

25^th july 08

0005 hrs.

Been loving you since the start.

2008-08-18T00:16:00.006+08:00

a thousand and one sorry wont change the fact that i spoiled the day.

yet and still.
Dear Aisyah still wana spend the remainder of the time left today on a much happier note.
see! see!....
well she had it!
all thanks to dear Aisyah!
the day ended on a easier more relaxing end, rather than both faces cramped of problems.

anyways.
letting emotions get the better of me.
what was i thinking?

i will make it up to u.
i will.

friends of aisyah, if you're reading this.
im sorry to have caused much trouble.

i let Mrs Silly Sunshine down.
due to what?
my fucken EGO.

leave me alone.
give me a moment to let me get my thinking straight.
get me in the proper state of mind.
not during a Sunday Hangover!

and you suckass doggs better not add on more to the complicacy of this situation.

MOFOS.

on a lighter note.
Ida said i look like jay sean in his video clip Stolen

2008-08-14T15:24:00.007+08:00

090808

Doubt.

is when someone made you lose your trust on them.
after which wild assumptions derives.
after which small matters become big for no reason.
i hate it.

-----------------------------------------------

masked with perfection,
blinded lies and suspicion.
unearthed was one fraction,
wondering if there's anymore revelation.

it feels so good it hurts sometimes,
doing it as though it is a favourite pastime.
and when it all is about time,
cause I'm conveying it through rhyme.

witness my reaction,
after what has happened.
does the fear of my action,
prevents you of more revelation?

yet and again,
you proved something much of a gain.
revealing the honest truth despite having to face the pain,
its an attempt not vain.

im feeling the doubt,
of this and that.
my judgments is on cloud,
cause of little things and some brats.

prove to me there's no second,
im not giving you a good time i reckon.
hoping for you to think on your own,
to make you more independent.

think about it,
those words were said.
dont take too long,
you got too much to think for.

-----------------------------------------

working process towards the big prize

i'll make em girls wish they had me and their guys were like me.

2008-07-31T12:50:00.007+08:00

Ash.Fresh @ Esplanade Theater

Bboys and Bgirls alike

Style Groovaz @backstage

its not satisfaction guaranteed...
this is guaranteed satisfaction.

it was really an honour to be performing at Esplanade,
especially with my beloved Style Groovaz.

after the hard knocks and whatnot,
we bomb the stage and i can feel it from the audiences response.

i did an amazing 1 1/2 rounds of slow 1990s!

i love the crowd, ambience and the company.

-------------------------------------------

it had always be my dream to be performing on a national stage,

a stage holding prestigious events and with world class setups.

on the 30th july,

i was granted my dream when i performed right on that very stage.

where big shots and superstars had their performance too.

im thankful to God, supportive friends and most of all,

the ever understanding yet patient Nur Aisyah Bte Ridzwan.

Aisyah,

she managed to overcome the obstacle many others,

(event those who are older and more mature than her.)

lucky? may be.

but what needs to be more recgonised is the patient she has to persevere

while i was busy withmy skool, and dance especially.

i admit its not very easy for her to do all that.

which is what really makes her "The Person".

though sometimes she annoys me with her hittings as i usually disturbed her,

its also makes her The Aisyah i know.

and so time will tell.

----------------------

sense of regret? - NEVER.

2008-07-23T12:59:00.003+08:00

When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, dont matter no more
Said Im fortunate to have you girl

I want you to know
I really adore you
All my people who know whats going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song

Tell her Im your man, youre my girl
Im gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say Im your girl, youre my man
Promise to love you the best I can.

-"Usher - You got it bad (edited lyrics)"-

You see, I've been there, done that, and im still around,
and after all that, this is finally what i found.
and so you try be in my ground,
feel that my life aint like a hound.

i've lived 19 years full of experience,
unlike any other fortunate child.
i learnt life, the hard way.
but im glad to be sharing this life with you
and those dealing the same lives as mine.

tell you what girl,
every little thing that you do just makes me crumble.
ouh i bet you're looking for trouble,
fret not im still your world:)

-------------------------------------

working on a production performing at Esplanade.
and no, not with my poly forum mates (syasya take note:])
im proudly performing with my crewmates (Style Groovaz)
and i tell you, the working process aint such of a breeze

i bet syasya's sleeping so soundly at the corner of the bed.
let me update yall abit about whats goin on.
Me and I-sya are going along just fine,
few knick knacks here and there but hey!
whats life without a few hiccups?
we are spending quality time together,
and No, we are not in a relationship.
not yet i mean.
and i hope i have Everyone's blessings for the two of us.
i hope theres no grudges.

though nowadays we arent meeting that often,
its also due to unforseen circumstances.
her exams, my never ending dance.
need i elaborate more?

------------------------------------------------

on the 12th of july i had a ceremony(religious) held for my late grandma
as it was her 100th so called deathday

(ouh I hope I could phrase it better so it wont hurt that much).
and as i sat there and recite the words of the Qur'an
silent tears crept down my cheeks.
and as i recite further, i thought about the times with late grandma.

we relatives brought her to East Coast park
and she was sitting on a wheelchair beside me watching the scenery talking and laughing.
never would i forget the fruitful moments.
and the times when i was looking after her late at night.
at when she couldnt sleep,
i would as her about her life back then,
also about how mum was treated by dad when i was in the precious womb of my mother,
right up till i was 2.
how naughty I was when i was young.

im now able to let it go.
but sometimes, it comes back.

as i wipe my wet face off with this tissue.
not wanting to wet the bed sheet.

i thought of how much i'd grown up, to become a better person.
to become someone who appreciates,
one who lives for others, sometimes not even bothering about one's health and make others happy.

now.
my grandpa on my dad's side is bedridden and is sickly.
seems that his time is near.

God please guide me through this hard time.

though i might not be as close as to my late grandma on mum's side.
i still remember playing in the toilet and sliding across the slippery soaped floor in his house.
i would then be scolded for playing in a dangerous place.
soon after, he would delicately take his classic comb and would then part up my hair.
dolling me up to become a good person, a good man.

now, it seems its my turn to look after him.
helping him out with this and that and i would then use tt particular comb,
to comb back his hair.

Every now and then I will think back track to my life.

What kinda person I am now.

After all that’s been through,

It makes me a stronger person.

But I believe,

The stronger the person you are,

The harder God will test you.

Its just a matter of time.

2008-06-29T01:31:00.006+08:00

outside studio

I kept thinking,
am i realli ready for a relationship?
am i prepared for what is expected in a relationship?
is it the right time for me to Get into a relationship?

i thought i was ready,
but no, im still used to the single life im having.
so much so that i actually ignored and not pay attention to the one who needed it the most.
to the one who Deserves the attention and love.

not because of what she gave to me,
but its because of the heart she puts in into giving me.

I-sya,
she realli did wana stand out.
she realli wana make a difference in this life.
and im happy to say,
she's achieved it.

what sets her apart from the rest is that,
she really makes me feel special.
which is why,
she deserves my attention.

-------------------------------------

Syasya @ Mount Faber

birthday celebration for me this year?
spent my advance birthday celebration with Syasya on saturday afternoon,
we went to mount faber,
our first ever time going there.
spectacular view, along with spectacular company.

and as sweet as she could ever be,
when i opened my eyes after being told to blindfold,
she handed me this gift.
its an And1 shirt which i particularly liked.

at that point of time,
i felt utter shocked and speechless at wad she did fer me.
haha...
and yes, we had our fun there.

later on during the night,
Worm bestie, Adam, Idrus and me went to Lau Pa Sat to eat satay thr.
by the time we finished the 40 sticks.
we're as bloated as a panda! ahhaa
we only for me coz the rest are aready 'bloated' ;)

well we hang out town duly after that,
watched Zohan too!
haha...
friends, all i can say now is thank you for the company.

--------------------------------

-smile-

just when i thought that there's no more birthday wishes,
one surprise which Dear Aisyah did is one particular one which aint expected of her.
on wednesday afternoon,
she practically showed up at my doorstep while chatting with me on the phone.
well actually i just woke up not long before,
wad can u expect?
messied hair? just-woke-up face?
HAHAHA
shameful i tell you.

she was there to pass me a cake.
HOW SWEET...
chocolate cake!
with someone like her, i couldn't ask for more!

later on that day i had welcome tea session with the juniors,
and my beloved fellow crewmate gifted me with a cake too!
thank you guys! love yall to the heart!

well, amidst the fun and company,
i actually forgot about someone.
naturally, one would be upset if you're forgotten...
need not elaborate.
but its all good now yeah? :D

-----------------------------------------------

im running out of ideas to add on...

1stly i would like to thank Syasya for the gift, the company the cake, EVERYTHING! :D
crewmates wish.
and most of all, Friends and families who remembers the birth of an unlucky child.
ok wait. sorry, ida told me to change,
the birthdate of someone whose life is goina get better! :D

may god bless all of you.

amidst everything, deep in the back of my mind, i still miss you, my grandma.

2008-06-06T18:02:00.003+08:00

Beloved grandma during her birthday last year

its been 2 months plus,
grandma, you may have gone off from my sight, from our sight.
but deep down inside, you're still in our hearts.
i miss you.

ash, next time when u wana break down, do find a nice quiet spot
so no one can see you.
not in front of many people,
not in front of you're crewmates.
but ouh well, when it all cant be contained.

i apologise for not updating this dusty blog of mine.
have been busy with skool stuffs and also for performance and comps.

(:GREY:)

ouh ya,
not forgetting Sya...
we've been spending quality time too...
having fun, laughing our jaw off till cheeks got cramps.
and poor Sya,
she's been worrying about her weight and looking rather chubby.

honestly, do i look like i care about that already?
u got me on you with ur ways, not your looks.
yes people may say looks matter,
i dun disagree but i beg to differ.
when its her ways of doing things is what attracts me to her.
not what she wears, what she looks like...

go on,
go against me if yall wish to.
honestly,
what would it benefit me if you got the looks but with the fucked up attitude?
forgive me but im done with them.
done and dealt with.
thank you.

sheesh....
performing with the other 5 poly's for a forum thingy.
and strong commitment is needed for them...
well if it meant to upbring the crew's reputation and the name.
i'll come up to it.

for those whom i've dated before in the past, if you readers are one of 'em
forgive me for the mistakes, my harshness or my wrongdoings.
bless you girls for making me who i am right now.

And bless me for my future relationship.
I guess this is my proper good bye to yall.
im sorry again.
and thank you once again for your presence.

Dear Aisyah,
thank you for giving me the opportunity to get to know you.
feeling lucky coz its not what many people can do.
you’re the inspiration that gets me through and through.
not tryna please you with words, buts its abt the actions that im into.

2008-05-25T20:23:00.004+08:00

knock knock readers...
im here on my lappy, at my late-grandma's hse at JW.
just finished watching Narnia2.
was hella long i tell you.

as for today,
i woke up at arnd 10+ i tink.
was woken up by Sya's call.
telling postpone the meet a lil later.

met her arnd 2+.
as usual, the Mr and Mrs Silly habit of coming late but still meet without having to wait for each other,
HAHA.
so there we go finding kicks arnd JP.
buying Subway's cookie too.
at one point of time, Sya suddenly told me to stop and i was told to fix to that spot and wait for her to come back.
thought it was some urgency call of nature or bumping into friend or smth.
and soon when it was time to go,
she handed me this oh so lovely lollipop kinda cookie.
and it looked like this.

ouh Sya,
u dun noe how much tt meant to me.
i didnt refuse coz its rude to spoil a surprise.
and oh you're the sweetest that could ever lived on earth.
you make me fall for u more.
and u called me something i never heard from you before.
oh it make me so high up in the sky.

-i think im falling in love-

and yes people.
i do remind myself not to be so high up in falling in love,
coz it'll be a long way down and it surely is goina hurt.
and im pretty sure im ammune to getting hurt now.
that im prepared for the worst.

its been nearly 2 years 3 months of singlehood.
so many dates in between.
Sya stand out way beyond.
i think the gold and stainless steel necklace which haas been long kept,
is yearning for its owner...

anyways.
not in a rush.
2 years and a few months or years more could do the time's bidding.
i'll go with the flow.

2008-05-23T15:21:00.007+08:00

oh look. its the 23rd. agaen... ouh well...

pardon me for not updating.
nowadays, the daily schedule is like,
morning- school.
after skool, rehearse.
till 10 +
go home, sleep.
till got no time even for myself.

first of all...
Birthday wish shoutout to IdaLyanaKamsani (230590).
happy 18th birthday.
the one that made much of an impact in my life.
thank you.

didnt go skool today,
had this heavy eyelids problem...
prolly coz of the night's pouring.
reminiscing times.
telling me life is too short to wait for anything else.
coz i musnt wait for something to happen.
i must do something so that it can happen.

pretty much contented with what im having in life ryte now.
wonderful crewmates whom they don't mind sharing motivational words.
wonderful seniors whom never fail to lead me to the right path.
wonderful someone whom never fails to make me smile.
and alas the one who appreciate me even though it wasnt much.

thank you Aisyah for understanding me,
even though we didnt get to contact/ meet each other often,
u still manage to got thru tt obstacle as many others had faced. And failed.
you're the inspiriation that keeps me going day by day.

my crewmates are the inspiration to achieve my best.
even when times are down.

Dancefest is coming.
Style Groovaz, its now the time to motivate each other.
we went thru our hard times,
a few days more and it will be over.
lets show others what we got.
send a chill down their spine.
make 'em mark us as their equal, rival or whatever u call it.

readers.
thank you for taking you few minutes of your life to read my blog.

1 more month...
hope it dun turn out like the yesteryears.

2008-05-10T04:05:00.004+08:00

Its 4 am in the morning.
still cant sleep.
im sorry i didnt hear what u said, abt not thinking too much.
i just cant stop it from coming out of my eye.
its been 40 days,
im staring at the bed u used to sleep now, just brings it(memories) back.
i miss ur laughter, ur smile, most of all, i miss you.
we all miss you grandma.
-rest in peace-

everything is weighin on my shoulder,
everybody expects of me,
i have to live up to their effing expectations.
does anybody ever effing care about My expectations?

no matter what,
i'll prove to them people who has a wrong perception of me.
you'll see.

hmm...

Keeping it Fresh,
Ash.Fresh™

Don’t ever leave me girl
I need you inside my world
I can’t go a day without you
And see nobody else will ever do
I’ll never feel like I feel with you

2008-05-08T01:31:00.004+08:00

BabyFel and TeddyTish (smack that beat 07)

Woken up at 2 pm by :)'s call,
Decided to watch ironman together.
over 10 i shall rate it as 7.5! its thrilling!

felt comfortable around :),
fret not girl,
im never uncomfortable with u arnd.

things to do list:
Mixing of songs for Dancefest.
finishing up choreo.
prepare for kenduri (beloved grandma's).
practise practise and more practise.

guest i shall be super bz from this week onwards,
:)'s busy too, exams coming, study hard girl.

song tts fixed to my head: Pastime Paradise - Ray Barreto (classic bboy breaks!)

Grandma
you may have gone off from my sight.
but ur never away from my heart.
im missing you every day, every night.
thinking and reminiscing how u brought me up hard.

2008-05-06T11:45:00.011+08:00

I-Sya ft Ash.Fresh™

DengDeng Bros ft Ash

As usual, the Deng2 bros hobby was to take pictures so i was pulled in to the pictures with them, had lotsa fun
experiencing high on life. but i'll be careful for each step i take. just to make sure that i don't make regrettable mistakes.

keeping 'em moves fresh!
Ash.Fresh™

currently listening to Neyo Crazy

ps...
one thing you can be sure of,
i'll never ask for more than your love.

2008-05-02T11:24:00.004+08:00

hello.
DanceFest practises are killing me.

do contact me if you readers want to buy the dancefest (Momentum) tix
costs 10 bux.
performers includes
NRA of Ngee Ann Poly
Temasek Poly hip hop group,
Greenridge secondary dance.
and the dance groups from Republic polytechnic.
and lots more!

im so looking forward to this saturday,
things are working wonders.

and i so need a new Dancing shoe,
but i dun noe what to buy and where.
sheesh...

2008-04-27T19:52:00.003+08:00

Dear Grandma, you left us, you left me, on 2nd April.
the night before that, somehow my heart was pushed to see you.
only to find out the day after, that i was to see you for the last time.
its been more than 3 weeks, yet not a single day pass without me missing my grandma.
countless times i broke down, only to hope that i can see u for one last time.

I've lost the ones i love,
you may call it retribution for what i did in the past.
who else have i got?

Friend just cant be there every time,
they too have their own lives to live for.

but these few days,
at least now i found whats worth waking up to.
i'm beginning to see more of what life has to offer.
thank you. i really do thank you.

let me tell u bits of whats goin in my life.
Dancefest rehearsals for this month and next.
Juniors audition for hip hop ig.

overwhelming response of 300+ people,
can expect many making it thru the auditions.
and talking about auditions
now im handed a huge responsibility.
of which i know why im being handed over tt responsibility.

as for today,
spent my wonderful Sunny/Windy Sunday morning proper.
breakfast, laughs, "sun-tanning" and Boring walks (kinda interesting tho).
its all good.
the saying goes, "you got to rock with the funk, if u wana have a good time"-James Brown.
in my term, its defined by going with the flow and making things work.

thank you, loads of thank you for letting me dance to your rythm...

"what happens when green meets blue?
You got Me & You!
and no matter what you always do,
you'll always be my Silly Gundu"-Ash.Fresh™

listening to- suffocate-J holiday

2008-03-27T22:20:00.001+08:00

theres nothing left for me to say,
to make u come back home.
when u already got my heart keyed to u,
and then the keys thrown away.

was it smth i said,
to make u turn away?
to have make u walked out.
tell me, help me find a way to get u back.

been many days now,
cant simply get u outta my mind,
how i wished i can stroke ur wavy hair,
or even enclosed those beautiful lips of urs to mine.

im not the man i used to be anymore,
im now more fragile than ever.
i may be strong physically,
emotionally im weak, weaker than those wilted roses

i never thought i'd need u there when i fall.
alone are those days when i need my loved one right by my side.
the words u used to say to me to get me thru those hard times.
make me feel the warmth and comfort of being around u.

when u walk away,
i hoped and wished that u would turn around,
a sign that im still there,
there in ur heart.

i dont want to see u.
but i do Need to see you.
what more can there be said,
i miss you.

all i ever wanted was for u to noe,
everything i do i get my heart and soul.
i cant hardly breathe, i wanted to embrace u oh-so tightly.
coz im feeling the cold.

but girl u should noe.

the days will all be empty,
nights will be so long.
i dunnoe whether ur feeling me,
coz right there in ur heart is where my heart belongs.

you may say u didnt make much of an impact on my life.
but do u noe how much our 2 months means?
even so i ask many questions.
i never ever did ask for anything more than your love.

have you ever wondered?
how our life could have been if we never meet?
coz i rightfully noe without you coming in my life,
life could have never been easy for me.

friends told me to let u go, to let u be,
i told myself i would,
but something in my heart just wouldnt let u go.
selfish? i guess i am.

do u still need me to say more,
to tell u how badly i need you?
i never felt this way before.
not in a long time.

not for the past 3 1/2 years.

i noe, we were only just dating...
for u maybe its a norm,
unfortunately i think otherwise.
i apologise for having tt mindset.

maybe i've yet to mature mentally,
to may have experience the good things in life.
coz if u dun noe,
my life hasnt been good never in my life.

im such a misery.
i dun feel the love of a parent.
i dun have a proper family,
i never had one.

even though i dun any love in me at all,
i still can give people love,
whatever tts left of me.
im still willing.

even still im staying with my dad,
i still dun feel loved at all,
dad is not in his right state of his mind.
mum is busy with her own family.

if dad could only understand that his presence meant so much to me,
unfortunately, he cant.
its 3.33 am of 23rd march 2006.
im thinking, reflecting.
on every 23rd.

this is because the 23rd means so much to me. if anybody could understand.

im sorry i caused so much misery to everyone, cause them trouble.
i never should have existed at all.

im sorry...

2008-02-20T23:24:00.003+08:00

.STYLE METHODZ.

im quite proud to be one of their family member. as a Style Methodz "baby"
of coz, cause i dun have one.

this pic is the last ever known pic all of 'em took together.
as far as i've known.
and i was there. alone. supporting them through their glory.

and i miss this lot of them.
they proved to me what real teamwork looks like, how a bond between each crew member affects each other.

now, they've all gone their seperate ways...
not exactly all but you'll come to know what i mean.

let me describe to u about each of the above individuals.

theres Camou Artist aka CA
the one i look up to,
an inspirational member for each and every one of his juniors.
and i like his style!

Raimi aka BBoy Rey
the slick Stylemover of SM
Him, among all tried his very best to keep the Style methodz
tradition going.
and im goina continue in his quest.
i'll make sure of that.

Syafiq.
known him since secondary school,
he never fails to mkae audiences laugh with his expressions
and his powermoves are damn smooth i tell u.

Ismael aka Mell
though im not that close to him,
but he is one great dancer, and likes to put smile at every person he walk past.

And theres Rahila aka Reella
though times may be bad for her, i still see her Dancer side improving by the minute.
though i may not see her smile or laugh as much as last time.
her choreographies are so like Rahila, i dunnoe how to explain but it just makes the routine or choreography so her.

here comes Tricia aka Tish,
probably the dirtiest girl i ever knew! ahaha. kidding.
attach to the man Mikal himself,
when it comes to real practise, i can see her putting her soul in it.
but in real time, she's fun girl to hang arnd with.

and theres popping ain!
cutest of them all,
im always inspired by her popping movements and her ducky sounds are the wierdest yet funniest thing i ever heard!
and hey, her invert is damn dope!

last of all,
the person who made everything possible.
Felicia aka BabyFel
as president of Style methodz hip hop ig,
every performance, competition wouldnt have been possible without her.
the one who will cry for the teeny weeeny bit :)

though each and every of u have gone ur seperate ways, do come back once in a while when u guys are free.

each and every one of them made an impact in my upbringing as a dancer.
and i will never forget them.

and i as the Junior manager, will try my very best to carry on the great tradition of Style Methodz. and that i pledge.

lastly, i wish that Style Methodz will make a good comeback.
coz in every competition they go, their opponents will get the pressure of their existence.

keepin 'em moves fresh!
Ash.Fresh™

the reason...

2007-12-29T02:09:00.000+08:00

accomplished quite a number of stuffs today...
learnt the proper 1990s,
entrance to flare...
nearly accomplished frontflip...
manage to get few footworks and their flows...
good enuff for Floorskillz?
nah...

maybe i should focus on choreographing for DanceWorks, which as according to Adel.. must be completed by next week!

hip hop choreo, bboy routine, and mixing of the songs...

sounds like FUN!

--------------------

i cant see tmr any more...
i dun wana drag this sorrows any longer...
feeling so fucked up...
living in this so fucked up life...

i cant see the distance at all...
no future lies ahead for me...
i dun see any happiness...
what more living then...

aint goina be at anybody any longer...
i've experience too much to predict whats next...
destroying families?
breaking bonds?

rahh!!
life's unfair ya tink so...
yea u may say life's never been fair....
be in my shoes then...
how would you tink i'll be feeling?

why would this happen to an 18 yr old kid.
with no memories of childhood?
with no proper parenthood?
or even a happy moment of family life?

yes maybe its bound to to me since birth...

yet and still...
there are still others who come with intentions of destroying my life than it already is...

2007-12-24T02:17:00.000+08:00

alone, for the goodness of others
href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_Cyp9AyyaW2c/R26rMm3-pMI/AAAAAAAAAEU/h8UnrcY0cx4/s1600-h/P1000233.JPG">
thats it...

i've had enuff...

first,
i hurt her...

how stupid was i?
wad could i possibly be thinking?
the one i love most hurt by me?
the last person i would have wanted to hurt... is now hurt???

F@#K lar...

and to make it more worst...
destroyed a relationship between a son and a father?
all because of me?
coz of my persistent staying...

i noe its a noble thing friend u did...
but what could possibly be worst than destroying ur r/ship with ur father?

im such a super bad person, having bad life...
and YET! pulling everyone else's life down?

i hate my life...
so much that i want to end it just like that!

zeella...

im so sorry...
you said you wanted space...
you can have yours... now and whenever you want it...
i did too much to hurt u...
i dun wish to hurt u no more...
you had too much wound that even the smallest mistake can hurt ur precious soft heart...
you deserve better...

i suck at love...

im so sorry...
take care of yourself wen im not around...

2007-12-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

this song is dedicated to Zeella.:)

and peeps. i am in love. in true love.

and i no longer care about anything else now.

finally the 1.5 carat gold and stainless steel necklace has found its owner.
CHRIS BROWN

"I Wanna Be"

[Intro:]
[Sigh] Look. I know we've been friends for a while now.
But, I just feel like I can confess to you.
It's gonna be hard but.
Alright here it goes...

[Verse 1:]
Imagine that the pillow that you cried on was my chest,
and the tissue that you wiped your face with was my hand.
Girl, imagine: if you needed advise about some other guy, I'm the one that comes to mind.
Not tryna hear you tell nobody that I'm just a friend,
just trying to make sure I'm that body that you call your man,
and anytime you need a shoulder -- it's yours, night or day,
but what I'm tryna say is, I wanna be...

[Chorus:]
The last number you call late at night (said I wanna be),
The first one that you dial when you open your eyes.
Wanna be the one you run to,
wanna be the one that ain't gonna hurt you,
I wanna be yeah, I wanna be yeah..
Be the man making your girl jealous,
be the guy shuttin' down all the fellas..
whatever you need, girl, it's all on me:
soldier, your friend or your lover, girl,
I wanna be...

[Verse 2:]
Would it be cool?
Would you mind if I called you my boo,
what if the next whip you was pushin' was the one I bought for you?
Can I be the one that meets your pops and take your mama shoppin', be the only one they like?
Have you thought about it -- wait -- really thought about it?
Maybe you should take some time
call your girls and talk about it, yeah.
'cause I done already made up my mind,
don't need no more time to know if I wanna be with you,
I wanna be...

[Verse 3:]
Put me on your screen saver, all over your myspace and make me one of your top favorites,
that's where I wanna be...
The one you cryin' for (stand up for and fightin' for)
wanna be your good, bad, love, hate girl..

[Chorus]

[x2]
Cross my heart hoped to die, on everything that's good,
I'm gonna do you right, show you right, get this understood.

[Chorus]

Girl I wanna be, I wanna be.... [sigh]
I wanna be, I wanna be...

alast!

2007-11-21T09:28:00.000+08:00

Finally... had time to sit down, ponder, wonder, remember and cherish.

Jamile and Michelle Brooke
from So You Think You Can Dance

time flew past very fast,
unknowingly, many of my life impacting incidents had happened, both in a good and bad way.

first up was the debut showcase put up by my crew members.
i say we did a nice job, nice enough to interest others to dance, with or without us, and some to join us. good job Style Groovaz.

after that, was the preliminaries and finals of the Butts Off comp.
and i have to thank those who came down to support, much appreciated!!
ample time and commitment were given in, although we didnt emerge top 3, we still got in the finals.
to me, its not a worry, its only a stepping stone in the dance arena,

once you fall or being defeated, it makes you stronger, making you work harder, making you wana win.
and you cant be up there all the while, you cant win forever ryte?
so peeps, Watch out for the greatest competition of all, Style Groovaz.

one bad thing happened, i just dunnoe how to put it in words.
maybe i shld just write it all. hmmm...

it all came as a sudden,
expected but still it shooked me.
i just cant believe it happened,
although it has been a couple of time.

u might wana noe what im talking about,
but i just cant convey the words exact.
to make it simple,
im being shifted agaen.

i noe its just a normal thing for me,
where i can get used to shifting over and over agaen.
but how am i to say,
that it hurts me everytime it happens.

since 3 years ago,
its been 7-8 times i've been on the move.
never sit down and settled.
i guess tt can never happen.

but on the other hand,
this recent incident shown me smth.
of my friends,
they are the best one can ever find.

although we may be guys,
but where can you find these kinda friends,
where they wouldn t wana spoil your happiness
and it hurt them wanting to tell me.

they are the greatest of friends i can ever find,
where else can you find friends who cry for you, because of you.
who go any lengths just to help me who is in need.
friends, whom their families also cry for me?

My Happy People they are called,
never fade, never fought.
share happiness and sadness together.
though the times spent are getting lesser.

since i was born,
i nvr realli felt the love of a parent, a mother, a father.
all i got was beatings, scoldings.
im used to being thrown things at, being bleeding in the toilet just crying till cant cry no more.

wen they divorced,
i thought it was goina get better,
but it did not.
the new one treated me same, far worst.
treating me like a vermin from the drain.

well how can you expect?
im no child of his.
he can have the right to mistreat me.
the right to let me in his house.

many have said that the outcome will be good.
said that persevere throughout and i will be a strong man.
well you can say that, coz you guys are not in my situation.
so unless you're in it, you can never understand the whole thing.

im like all left alone in this world.
with no one to hold me up when i fall.
each and everytime, i have to pick myself up
slowly but pain as each movements made.

so now yall get my sadness im in this past few days.
i just hope everything is being made clear.
if not, i'll leave you to ponder upon it.

and thanks fer taking the time off to read...